Updated: Sep 14, 2018
"You need to come home from work. I can't do this anymore. I am miserable. I hate it here. I am not CAPABLE of any of this. I don't want to be here. I am leaving. I won't be here when you get home. I am running away. Don't look for me. I can't do this. I CAN'T do this. I CAN'T DO THIS!!"
Did y'all read those words?
The only thing I left out is several expletives that I don't want littering my page.
Those are actual words I have texted to my husband while he is at work. That text is actually one of many, many that I have sent to him. They used to be almost daily.
Those words are what light a fire in me to do this. I never ever want to speak those words again. I don't want others to speak those words to their loved ones.
In case you don't know me, my name is Jamie Hester and I am the founder of Wellness Puzzle. This concept has been a long time in the making. It has been slowly pieced together over the past few years, before I ever realized what was happening! I am not going to tell my whole story at this time, but if you want to read about it, there is another blog post on my website titled "What Brought Me To Now".
Let me tell you about this passion of mine though. When I texted those words to my precious husband, I was broken. I had a broken brain, a broken spirit, and a broken body. I was a broken mom, a broken wife and a broken woman.
I would come to our dinner table feeling like I was in a hole. I would sit in literal silence because the thought of forming and speaking words was overwhelming. I literally couldn't do it. I could break out in anger at a moments notice, flinging obscenities at my beautiful boys and even going so far as to throw things down to the ground. On one particularly bad day I remember lifting the edge of the coffee table and slamming it down. Believe me, in my brokenness, I was breaking them. I also lost my laugh, it disappeared. In fact, when I started laughing again, it was very noticeable. My body recognized that muscles were being used that hadn't been used in a while. My ears would hear my laugh and realize that it was a foreign sound. I am not claiming that I am all fixed, but I am fighting my way back from being broken. I am fighting my way back to life. All of my problems haven't disappeared but I can see through them now. I know how to rely on the Lord and find my peace and joy in Him.
A verse has been on my heart as I have prepared to share this message with you. However, I had a feeling it didn't mean what I always kind of assumed it meant, so I did some digging.
In Jeremiah 29:11-14 it is written:
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and
not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me
and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me
when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you,"
declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity."
I had prayed many, many prayers over the months that I wasn't well. I prayed for God to make me better. I prayed for Him to heal me. These verses were never far from my mind. But, you see, now looking back, I think it is important that these verses not be taken out of context. The Lord is not saying that we will never have pain, or that the pain will be short lived. Nor do I believe that He is saying that we are to cling to these verses while we are hurting and in pain, just waiting for the day that he fixes everything and makes us prosperous. You see, right before these verses when speaking to the exiled Israelites, the bible says that the Lord declares:
"Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into
exile. Pray to the Lord for it (the city), because if it prospers, you too will
prosper." (v. 7)
You see, I think that what all of this means is, seek the Lord, even in the midst of your pain. Seek peace where you are. Don't wait for Him to fix it, but have confidence in the hope He is giving. Know that He has a plan and a purpose. He has a bigger picture in mind than we can even dream about. Pray to Him through it all. Be aware of the situation you are in, seek Him, ask for His wisdom, and trust His plan.
I believe His perfect plan and purpose are coming to fruition right in front of my eyes. I have never been "delivered" from my issues, they may never go away, but He has taught me how to live through them. He has taught me to do more than survive in them, but to thrive. I have learned the tools needed for me to feel better. I have learned how to take care of my body. I have learned that my cells were designed to have nutrition that I was not providing them. I have learned how to relieve my built up emotions. I have learned how to calm my anxious mind. If I went back to living the way I was living, I would be right back where I started. It is for that reason that I am not "healed". I am not free to do whatever I want and expect to feel like I feel right now. I have to make peace with my situation, seek Him, and live the way He asks me to live. This will allow others that are hurting like I was to find their way as well. He has certainly provided a way to find peace through the storm. He is showing me that with everything I have been through, He has had a plan.
He has given me a fire in my belly to help others. Morning, noon and night I think about how to help others, how to get information out, how to provide support and hope.
I feel deeply burdened for my friends and their families. Rarely does a day go by that I don't hear that one of my friends, or one of their friends is suffering, suffering in the same way I was suffering for so long. Suffering in other ways. I also hear about their children. I hear the way they are struggling with behavior at school, or how they are struggling with their self esteem. I hear about teens who feel unloved, unwanted, and misunderstood. I hear about aging parents who are becoming incapacitated way before their time.
So, I created Wellness Puzzle. I am absolutely NOT discounting the value of the medical profession and of medications to save lives, to fill a purpose. But, personal wellness comes from us and the decisions we make every day.
What I am saying loud and clear though, is that we were designed to play a role in our own wellness. What has happened over the generations is that we have accepted that if something goes wrong, anything goes wrong, someone else will fix us. We actually wait for something to go wrong and aren't surprised when it does. We have accepted that chronic disease is inevitable. We have accepted that diabetes, cancer, autism, ADD/ADHD, dementia, Alzheimers, and every autoimmune disease under the sun (Lupus, MS, Hashimoto, Fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis) will continue to rise and in some way affect EACH and EVERY one of us soon enough. Y'all, without even knowing it, without our consent, we have accepted that my children's generation will have a shorter life expectancy than I do.
I don't say all of this to be doom and gloom. I say all of this to say we do have a choice. We do have an option. We can learn new things. There are so many things to learn! We can decide to accept the status quo or we can question it. We can see if maybe, when we support our bodies, we feel better.
So, I started all of this telling y'all I was DONE. And it's true, I was done. I had nothing left. But Praise God, He wasn't done yet. Praise God that He called to me during those dark days. He walked with me. He helped me in my time of need. And now, I am telling you I am DONE in a different way. I am done watching others hurt and search for answers, remaining quiet when I have some of the very answers they need. I am done being scared that I won't be liked if I say what I really believe. I am done not sharing the truth of what I lived for fear that I will be rejected. I am done not telling people about the lies we have believed about our foods and consumer products.
You may not be ready to hear what I am saying. And that is OK! But some of you are ready. For some of you, this is resonating. This is speaking right to your heart. That is not because of me. That is because of Him. I invite you to join me. Learn with me. Allow me to help you by showing you that you are not alone.
Find out how I can help hold you accountable.
Check out my website www.wellnesspuzzle.com, check out my group page, Wellness Puzzle with Jamie. There you can talk, share, and connect. We will be covering all kinds of information like nutrition, toxins, essential oils, emotions, personal growth.
Message me so I can talk to you personally.
Like this page and share it with others you think could benefit. Let's get the word out and start to tackle this stuff. Let's think outside the box. Let's learn how to put the Wellness Puzzle together!